carry the zero

i’ve been infatuated with this song for a very very very long time.  

it usually re-appears while i’m going through a period of change.  

right now is one of those times.  

 

i’m aware of the fact that i posted this in the last post, but it’s stuck in me right now.  don’t judge…

 

 

 

 

this should make you smile

 

 

it can’t be categorize it as good or bad – it just is what it is.  

i’m melancholy for the things that have been pushed to places that are a bit too far away for me to take comfort in.

at the same time there is a tingling in my fingertips and the top of my spine, and i don’t doubt for a moment that when you listen to yourself and make the decisions that you really believe you’re supposed to make, even if they’re not entirely right, they won’t take you to a place that will destroy you.  when you create motion, the movement comes closer to you.

 

it’s the fear of change that hurts us in the end.

 

 

surround yourself with the people who adore you – the people who you adore.  

 

i’m don’t feel prepared to accurately put my thoughts into words right now, so i’m going to leave you with these two things – one, a kerouac quote that amber posted the other day that sent goose-bumps up my spine and made my brain go numb.  i may have even cried a little bit:

 

“The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes “Awww!”

 

 

and lastly, the lyrics to that song i can’t put out of my head.  read it – really read it.  there’s so much in it that i could never find the right words to say…

 

 

 

I’m not knocking your want to carry that home

Took it with you when you moved and got it broke

Found the pieces, we counted them all alone

Didn’t add up, forgot to carry a zero

I can’t be your apologist very long

I’m surprised that you’d want to carry that on

Count your blemishes you can’t they’re all gone

I can’t see your response putting them back on

Like they’re waiting for your guard to fall

So they can see it all

And you’re so occupied with what other persons are occupied with

And vice versa

And you’ve become what you thought was dumb

A fraction of the sum

Yeah you’ve become

Yeah you have become a fraction of the sum

The middle and the front

And now it’s coming back hasn’t it come too far

I was trying to help but I guess I pushed too hard

And now we can’t even touch it

Afraid it’ll fall apart

 

-built to spill

(carry the zero)

 

 

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