personal branding lesson 1: diana’s guide to being the most obnoxious version of yourself possible

1.  start every conversation with, “so i had the craziest dream last night…”:

(photo taken by lindy meow and can be found here.)

last night i did not have the craziest dream!  i had this dream where i finished all the milk.  and then when i woke up and made coffee, i got really bummed out about the milk situation because i didn’t want to put pants on and go to the store.  but get this – it was a dream!  there was real live milk in the fridge!!
true story.

2.  go on and on and on about yourself:

(photo taken by a little bit random and can be found here)

so, last night i had the best time ever!  the fun that went down at preen was a huge success, (um, amazing music, lots and lots of wonderful people, and a handful of gorgeous girls dressed straight from the shop racks?!)  ”afterwards” was spent on the rooftop of a certain building in a certain location in tucson, (i don’t want to name names…) watching the stars, watching the drunken idiots in the streets below, not drinking the beer i was handed* and having more than one really good conversation.  then i picked up asher on my way home and he made me dinner, helped me pack, and relinquished his desire to sleep to my megalomaniacal chatter and demanding inquisitions of what each and every “he said/she said,” meant, and the motivating factors behind it.  (exchange:  asher- “are all girls really this insane?”  diana- “you said you wanted sister time!!  a real sister would listen to another sister…”  asher- “you need a real sister.”)

i dropped him off at home at 4:30am where he effetely stumbled towards his door, but not before unloading all the “heavy” things i’d asked him to put in the truck for me.  then i went home, went to bed, and had that dream…

3. tell long stories that no one wants to hear:

(photo taken by sew wot! and can be found here)

the other night i was unpacking in my bedroom at studio a(wesome) (is that getting old yet?) with a couple friends.  asher walked in and hovered over us in the doorway, neither joining in on the conversation or looking interested or comfortable.

i said, “asher, are you going to join us or are you going to continue lurking?”
he said, “uhh…  i’m going to walk back to my apartment.  i have something i need to…  take care of.” 

(back story:  i had passed out face-first on his/staci’s bed earlier that day, after nearly 24 hours of sleeplessness.  when i woke up they were gone and staci had left a note next to me that said, “don’t eat anything out of the fridge.  it’s broken and everything is rotten.”)

return to main story:  i remember vaguely thinking it was strange that asher didn’t leave through either front door, but walked all the way through the house to use the back door in the kitchen.

five minutes later there was a horrifying screeching sound and a lot of profanity coming from the back of the house.
above-mentioned friends and i followed the profanity towards the kitchen, to find asher shouting and repeatedly throwing his body  against my refrigerator, which he’d managed to unplug and push across the kitchen before coming to a complete halt, lodged halfway out the back door.  

i said, “what are you doing?”
he said, “mind your own business!”
i said, “my refrigerator is my own business.”
he said, “landlord steve told me to do this.”

landlord steve did not tell him to do this.  
i think my main question is how much rational thought he had given to the plan, “single-handed and silently push diana’s refrigerator out her back door , carry it down two steps, drag it across a community patio and a courtyard, carry it back up two steps, and push it through my own front door.  repeat in opposite order with broken fridge.  while she is home.”

my other question involves reconsidering how “awesome” it is to move into the house next door to your little brother.

 

so…  i’m stalling because i don’t have any pictures to share from last night.  someone thought that putting the camera battery in her purse and leaving the actual piece of equipment at home would be sufficient.  so that someone is now waiting for staci to email her the photos.  sorry.  i hope the tips help though?

*in all seriousness – and this might be the only time i take “serious” seriously – drinking and then operating a vehicle is not cool in my book.  ever.  if you drink and drive, you are a moron, and if you drink and drive and get caught doing it, you deserve every penalty, fee, and loss of personal freedom that you are slapped with.  i’ve lost people i’ve cared about – more than once – to drunken idiocy.  i hope you never have to go through that.  

this rule applies to everyone.  i would say that to my own mother.  hi mom.
end of seriousness.

Advertisement